I apologize for not updating in quite a while. My computer broke in the middle of our first few days of training in Dallas, and it’s taken forever to get it fixed. My parents mailed me an old netbook of mine, which I am now using as the other one gets fixed. I was counting on being able to use the one I will be given by the district, but they’ve said that it might take even longer for that one to arrive. So, the majority of this month has been spent without a computer. In a short while, I will have three computers.
Another thing that happened is that I broke a tooth, which means I will be going back to California over Labor Day weekend so that my father, who is a dentist, can fix it. Not fun, but little pain.
The big event though is the car accident. I was driving down the freeway this past Wednesday when my power steering gave up on me. As my car spiraled out of control, I drove the car into a concrete barrier, since I was scared of getting anyone else involved in the accident and needed to stop the car to do that. Thankfully, no one else was involved, and the damage to the car is much less than it could have been, and I only suffered some bad bruises. It could have been much worse. However, this is just really stressful, and compounds a month that has so far been full of very significant, very stressful, and very expensive incidents, especially as all of my savings have gone into this big move, and I have very little left until my first paycheck in a few weeks. Thankfully, my parents have been able and exceedingly generous and wiling to help me out. I don’t know what I would do without them.
On top of this, training has been stressful – not because it is particularly difficult, but because I am just stressed in general, and because I still feel very ill at ease and nervous about all of this. I feel uprooted from the things that used to give me life and happiness, such as the majority of my friends and loved ones, a welcoming Jewish community, and an environment that welcomes critical thinking. I feel powerless on a constant basis. I feel alone. Thankfully, I have been able to handle the various chaotic events that have happened with a very calm mind, and have never freaked out when nsy of these things happened. I think I’ve learned to not freak out when these types of things happen, even if I do give into the stress they cause later after they’ve been more or less brought under control
I would write more about the corps experience, especially training, but I am nervous about how to phrase what I am thinking, especially since we got this very alarming talk about online and media “stewardship” in very purposefully opaque jargon that insinuated that there is a very clear policy towards what we can say to the press or in public forums, and politely hinted at consequences.
I assure everyone that I am okay. This is just a very difficult transition for anyone to make, and no one told me doing TFA would be easy. I’m hanging in there, and I’ll try to update more often so that you don’t just get long summaries of everything that’s gone wrong.